Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the
>  subject turned to sex.
>
>  "You know, John and I have been having some sexual
>  problems" Linda told her friend.
>
>  That's amazing!" Maria replied, "So have George and I.
>  We're thinking of going to a sex therapist" said Linda.
>
>  "Oh, we could never do that!  We'd be too
>  embarrassed!" responded Maria.
>  But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"
>
>  Several weeks passed and they met for lunch again.
>
>  "So, how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?"
>
>  "Things couldn't be better!", Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical
>  exam, and afterwards the doctor said he was certain he could help us.  He
>  told
us to stop at the grocery store on the way home
>  and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts.
>
>  He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each
>  other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with
> his
>  tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex
> life
>  is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!"
>
>  With that endorsement, Maria talked her husband into an appointment with
> the
>  same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor
>  called Maria and George into his office. I'm
>  afraid there is nothing I can do for you," he said.
>
>  But doctor," Maria complained, "You did such good for Linda and John,
>
surely
>  you must have a suggestion for us!  Please, please, can't you give us some
>  help?  Any help at all?"
>
>  "Well, OK," the doctor answered. "On your way home, I want you to stop at
>  the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box
>  of Cheerios......"

 

 

 

 

 

   A guys first day working in an ADULT store.  The manager leaves him alone for awhile. 

A black woman comes in and asks, How much are those dildos?

clerk $20

What about the white ones?

clerk $20 also

I've never had a white one, I'll take the white one.

Then a brunnette comes in and asks "How much are your dildos?"

clerk $20

What about the black ones?

clerk $20 also

I've never had a black one I'll take the black one.

Then a BLONDE comes in and asks "How much are your dildos?"

clerk $20

What about the black ones?

clerk $20 also

What about the BIG plaid one?

clerk, now thats a very special dildo it's $125

the BLONDE says "I've never had a plaid one I'll take it."

 The manager returns to ask his new hire how it went?

 The clerks response was GREAT,

I sold a white dildo to a black chick

a black dildo to a white chick, and

I sold YOUR THERMOS to a dumb BLONDE for $125

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the
cold cream.
And that's when the fight started...
********************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I
would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt, revealing my curly silver hair. She said,
'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me', and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have
gotten disability, too'
And that's when the fight started...
********************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes, 'I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took
to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started...
********************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road, and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little
things just seem funny?
Yeah, well, I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one "are"
you?'
And that's when the fight started...
********************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took
my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started...